Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Cancer Sucks

I haven’t been blogging lately because I’ve been distracted.

My mother called me about a week ago to tell me that my dad had some kind of growth on his thigh.

There are few things in life that really scare me, a close loved one developing some kind of bump is one of them. Still, I spent this past week on the phone with my mom as my dad went through the various testing staying pretty positive. It didn’t have the tell tale signs of bone cancer, and while my mom thought maybe it was a blood clot, I simultaneously hoped that it was and wasn’t that. Blood clots can kill you in seconds, but they’re also pretty treatable when found in time.

I’d been waiting for the call today so we could stop the guessing game and finally just know. 

And now I know my father has Lymphoma.

If I thought I was distracted before, now it’s ten times worse. I’ve spent my whole day vacillating between researching causes, symptoms, stages, treatments, statistics, blah, blah, blah, and manically praying that he has an easy go of it, that he beats it and it doesn’t return.

Lymphoma in its early stages isn’t the worst diagnosis you can get, so there’s a plus. The doctor has high hopes, so add another plus. My dad is the eternal optimist, so I don’t think he’ll have a problem maintaining the positive attitude one needs to deal with cancer; so at this stage, there are more positives than negatives. I just wish the negative wasn’t so damn big.

As an only child, I think I’ve been pretty preoccupied on some level with the sickness and death of my parents since my first experience with death at my grandpa’s funeral when I was fourteen. I don’t have brothers and sisters to fall back on when, if all goes as it should, my parent’s depart before I do. Plus as a girl, all the stereotypes about being a daddy’s girl ring true for me.

So I let myself get angry about it, and I let myself cry. And now I’m moving past those feelings and concentrating on positive thoughts and being supportive in my dad’s choices and treatment.

This is my second brush with cancer. My mother had breast cancer when I was sixteen. Thankfully, she’s still here ten years later. But I’ve watched the process of treatment, and I know that conquering cancer is no easy road. My mom still deals with the effects of the radiation on her body.

Yet, I have complete faith that if anyone can beat cancer, my dad can. He’s always been a mind of matter kind of person, and I think that will suit him well over the upcoming months.

Everyone can gain from positive thoughts and prayers, so I ask that you, dear readers, send a few my dad’s way as he starts this new journey.


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