To Grad or Not to Grad?????

My Instagram

It's that time of my academic career. That time when I should be filling out applications for grad school, bundling my best writing, and trying to sell myself via a well worded essay. 

None of that is happening right now. After ten weeks of classes that I have just dreaded, I've decided I need a break. Not that my classes haven't been interesting. I'm taking a comic currents in poetry class, Holocaust lit class, and a medieval lit class. Each class is great in its own right, I feel like i'm learning a lot and definitely enjoying the reading (a little less on the medieval lit), but my assignments have been lack luster. My papers are boring and uninspired. My weekly responses are just sufficient enough to get by and my contributions during class are few and far between. 

Bottom line, I am sick of school. I'm sick of homework, quizzes, exams, French class, dear Lord, do I hate French class. 

I had a plan four years ago: bust ass at every level of undergrad and then shoot on through grad school. But, I'm burnt out. 

After June, when I graduate, I am now taking a year off. Hell, maybe two. I'm not sure yet. I'm going to attempt to get a job. I am going to write my heart out. Write the stuff I actually want to write. I'm going to read the books that I actually WANT to read. I'm going to enjoy my weekends and free time after work and actually explore this new city we've been in for the past year that I've seen barely any of. 

Or maybe I'll just suck it up and finish once and for all. What am I going to do with a Bachelor in English anyways?

Signed~ Stressed and Undecided

A Visit to the Dog Cardiologist

Look at that happy face!

Tuesday morning, I had an appointment with Mia's new cardiologist. I had both been dreading and anxiously awaiting seeing them since the ER vet had first mentioned it Saturday morning. That doctor was convinced that Mia was suffering from Dilated Cardiomyopathy (DCM), which gave Mia a death sentence spanning anywhere from two months to two years. 

So naturally, I was a bit over emotional. Jay couldn't come with me because no matter what kind of nightmare is happening in our world, the real world keeps on going and he had to work. I was all alone, unsure if my dog was living or dying, and I just wanted the whole thing to be over with so I could finally know.

I started crying as soon as the vet tech put a stethoscope to Mia's heart. I sat there for the whole hour long appointment with my kleenex as Mia was poked and prodded by various machines checking her heart. 

Good news: she doesn't have Dilated Cardiomyopathy (DCM). Yet. Her heart is a normal size, blood is flowing in and out the way it should, ventricles are doing their jobs, BUT her heart isn't pumping with as much force as it should be. We've been down graded from DCM, to myocardial failure. Which, as horrible as that name sounds, is okay for right now. As long as the pills she's on keep working, she'll be fine. 

It's when they stop, I'll have to worry. 

So after $2400 in vet bills, a new $100 monthly bill for her pills, we finally know what's wrong and we're dealing with it. 

All our money for Christmas is gone and half our rent went to the vet, but I have my Mia. The rest will work out. 

I had to share this picture of my other four-legged child. She was not amused, but I laughed endlessly. 

Finally Home

Mia  (background) is home now, finally. The first thing we did upon her arrival was take a long snuggle nap. I haven't slept much since she's been gone, and I feel like I need to soak up as much love as possible. While I'm finally eating again, she has not. We're working on that. 

After doing the run around after we picked her up from puppy ER, I finally got the referral I needed to see the cardiologist. She goes in tomorrow which means another couple classes missed for me, but there was no way I was waiting until the 28th to have her seen. 

She seems better though. She hasn't done much except sleep, but she's finally walking on her back leg normally, so healing there.

Now we're just praying that this heart issue is just a complication from surgery and not heart disease like the ER doctor suspects. She's too young and been through too much to go out like that, so I'm hoping and praying every ten seconds that this is treatable. 

Now back to snuggles. Happy Monday! Keep Mia in your thoughts. 

Liebster Award

I am beyond grateful to have received the Liebster Award by SarahBell at Sarah Being SarahBell. Liebster is a German word which means dearest . This award is for new bloggers who have less than 200 followers and helps give them recognition and support. It's also a greaty way to let someone know how much you love their blog!

Thank you SarahBell

When you receive the award, you post 11 random things about yourself, answer 11 questions from the person who nominated you, nominate 11 blogs of your own, and post 11 questions for them to respond to.

11 Random Facts about Me:

1. If I don't have a bottle of water and a piece of gum on me at all times I will go into a mental breakdown. Seriously, one time I had to sit through a test with no water, it was a disaster. I've got some anxiety issues; they're good fun.

2. I love literary and finger tattoos. That doesn't mean I have them. No, I just think they are awesome. If you've been affected by a book or line enough to make it a permanent part of you, you are my kind 

of peoples. 

3. I fictionalize almost every conversation I have in real life. It must be the writer in me, but immediately after I'm through talking to someone, I either imagine how that could have gone better, or turn it into some epic piece of fiction (well, epic to me). 

4. I can't see a man cry, or even get choked up for that matter, without crying, too. I think it's the whole  idea that men are supposed to be these tough men that aren't moved by anything, so when they do cry, my body obviously thinks it's serious enough that I need to cry to. 

5. Speaking of crying, I cry whenever I laugh. It doesn't matter if it's just a chuckle or a belly roll laugh, I will cry. Apparently this is because some nerve is too connected to my cheeks or something and when ever I laugh, it triggers the tears. I also cry while yawning or making any kind of face really. It's pathetic, but i've learned to deal. 

6. I name all the wild animals around my house. There's Petey the Possum, JarJar the Raccoon (because he had a peanut-butter jug stuck on his head), Hazel the really fat Squirrel…I could go on. I'm not scary crazy, I swear. 

7. I hate all forms of alcohol. I have this phobia about throwing up, so really anything that can have that effect, I steer clear of. I've only been drunk once, and that experience was enough for me. 

8. I quit smoking 5 months ago. I smoked for 10 years and I'm only 25. It was hard core, but I did it. 

9. I can only read books in one sitting. I hate having to stop in the middle of a book so I usually dedicate whole days to reading. And once I am reading, GOOD LUCK getting my attention. 

10. I don't care what my future looks like as long as I am being creative. Nothing scares me more than the thought of one day sitting in a cubicle to make a living. Ideally I want to be a damn good writer but really any form of artistic expression will make me happy. 

11. My pets are my family. I'm struggling with the health issues of Mia right now. I really hate that I might lose her soon and how much this is costing me, but whether I only have her another week or another 4 years, whatever time I get will be precious to me. 

11 Questions from SarahBell: 

1. What is your one big regret in your life you wish you could change?

This is a hard one. I don't think I really regret anything. As cliché as this is going to sound, I really did learn something from every experience. If I had to pick, I wish I would have spent more time with my great grandpa before he died. It was my first experience with death, and I didn't know how final that truly was until after. 

2. Who was your favorite teacher, and how did they affect you?

Mr. Smith, my creative writing teacher. He was the most supportive, inspiring and truly caring teacher I have ever had. He still influences me today and reminds me to keep striving towards my goals. 

3. How did you meet your significant other? (cute story time) 

I was driving down the road with my friends on labor day weekend of 2003 and we saw him and a bunch of his friends in his friend's garage and decided to stop. The rest is history (I do not recommend this form of meeting. I was only lucky chick. It could have ended vastly differently.)

4. What do you do for a living and are you happy with it?

Currently, I'm a student/writer. Happy with the writing part, sick of the student part. I'm ready to do the career thing. Two more semesters…Two more. 

5. If you could be granted one wish, what would it be?

Honestly, that this heart problem with Mia is just a short lived side affect from surgery and not something that will kill her. 

6. What is something on your bucket list you are itching to cross off?

Get a novel published. It doesn't have to be successful. I just want to see my real tangible cover and pages novel in a bookstore.

7. What made you start a blog?

I was a huge fan of blog reading. I originally wanted this to be a fiction writing blog, but then I chickened out on sharing that with the world. Now, it's  an outlet to express what I'm feeling from day to day and a way to meet people. One of these days, I'll grow a pair and share some fiction. 

8. What is the one thing you wish you could do?

My current mind frame is probably not best for some of these questions right now, but I wish I could heal all ailments. Not just for my baby, but for everyone. Life is best lived healthy! 

9. What is a quote that inspires you?

I really love this Steve Jobs quote: "Your time is limited, don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown you own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary." I am a very self-conscious person, and I have to remind myself that it's better to accept myself than be ashamed of what other people might think of me. Pretending for the sake of others is wasting my time as the quote says. Love is within and works its way out. Holy corny, i've hit the mother load! 

10. If you could witness any event, past, present, or future, what would it be?

I'd want to be a fly on the wall for the meetings of the Algonquin Round Table.  I think it'd be hilarious. 

11. If you could stay a certain age forever, what would it be?

I definitely don't want to live forever, but if I could stay looking and feeling 20 until I hit maybe 85 years on earth and then bite it, that'd be cool. ;)

My nominees: 

Nikki at Chibi-Chic

Annie at Explanniefyfed

Asha at The Dansha Diaries

Ali at Our Happily Ever After

Whitney at Writing on a Whim

Summer-Claire at Summer Dreams

Shannon at A Kindle in Hong Kong

(So that's only seven and a lot of you I hardly comment on. Mainly because I don't have the time to read and comment on blogs, but I still read them!)

My questions: 

1. What book changed your life and how?

2. If you could visit any place in any time, real or fiction, where and why? 

3. What inspires you?

4. What was your best date?

5. What was your worst date? (I never got to date; I will live vicariously through all of you). 

6. How did you find your passion? 

7. What is one item you could never part with? 

8. What's your best recipe? (I may steal some and try them. :))

9. What is your oddest habit?

10. What is your favorite thing about yourself?

11. What is your worst pet peeve?  

I wasn't prepared for this

     Two years ago I met the most beautiful dog I've ever seen. She had no eyes, was about twenty pounds under weight and so scared that she would growl at every sound.

     Her name was Mia, a Great Dane rescue we were just supposed to be watching for two weeks. I spent three days nursing this sweetheart. Through all the growls, late night sips of water through a medicine dropper, and bribery via peanut butter sandwiches, I finally earned her trust.

     I tried to keep myself guarded, knowing our time together was short, but all her teeth chattering, excited pounces and endless hours of snuggles shattered my resistance quickly.

     Luckily, her new owners never came back. I nursed her to health and we became inseparable. She follows me everywhere; if I leave, she won't eat until I return, and when I get home, her happy jumpy face, with flirting ears and chattering teeth, has always been there to greet me.

     Until now. Now she sits in intensive care. A routine spay turned into possible heart disease and we don't know if she's going to make it.

     And I'm angry. I'm angry at the vets for not noticing her heart before they sent her home this morning. I'm angry at myself for not recognizing the serious problem until tonight. I'm angry that I spent too much time on homework when I should have been snuggling with my baby. I'm angry that I don't know how I'm paying for all this treatment. I'm angry at God for putting this in my path; he may know that I can handle this, but I don't think I can. And I'm really scared. Scared that the last image i'll have of her is her hooked up to all this machinery and whining to go home with me. I'm scared that she won't improve and I won't be able to pay for anything more. I'm scared that I failed her as an owner and mom.

Please pray for my baby girl's recovery. I honestly don't know what I'm doing right now. I miss her like crazy and am hoping against everything that she'll pull through and be home with us soon.