Thursday, October 11, 2012

Confessions of a Germaphobe

No, I don't care that I am holding you up while I adjust my coat sleeves to cover my hand to open the door. Really, I'm not touching it. The building could be on fire, and I would still find a way to not touch it. 

Yes, I realize I'm giving a dirty look when someone sneezes or coughs near me…I'm sorry. Really, I'm just holding my breath. Yeah, it could just be allergies or some tickle, but I take NO chances. 

Yes, I take an unusually long time to take a pee in the bathroom. Whether toilet papering or hovering, that shit takes talent and time not to touch the seat. 

Yes, I do take the paper towel I used to dry my hands in the bathroom with me until I reach my final destination. There are a lot of door handles from point A to point B and I'm not touching any of them.

Yes, I do wash my hands before and after every class. I have no idea who sat in my seat last and what they did in that seat while they were there. 

Yes I will still visit your house if you're getting over a cold, but don't be surprised if I enter in a cloud of disinfectant spray and then spray every area before I sit in it. I don't want that shit. 

Yes, I know you think I'm weird when I pull from the middle of piles. I'm not touching the top. I'm just not. 

No, you are not allowed to touch my food or drink at any point in the meal eating process. I don't care if we've known each other for days or years, the moment your finger touches anything that potentially goes near my mouth, it's not happening.

No, I will not eat something if I can't see the expiration date or know when it was opened. 

No, I will not eat leftovers that have sat in the fridge for more than two days

No, I will not drink the milk even if it smells good after the date. That may be wasteful, but I've made that mistake before…NOT FUN

How did I turn into a neurotic germ freak???? Easy

1. SOOO many people don't wash their hands in the bathroom. SERIOUSLY DISGUSTING
2. I have been food poisoned one too many times and would rather not relive those moments
3. I see people sneeze into their hands and then not wash them
4. I go to college where sickness spreads like wildfires in drought season
5. I enjoy not being sick and everything above may give me dirty looks, but I guarantee you'll be coughing before me. 

This list stemmed from a friend making fun of my door opening process. If you have any weird germ quirks, leave a comment. I would love to know some fellow germ-freaks! ;)


  1. Ironically enough it's the people who live around the most germs that get sick the least (if they stick around the environment long enough). I worked at a daycare and no matter what precautions I took, I got sick. The first year I got sick every other week. The flu, strep, you name it I got it. Now I never get sick even if I were to eat food off the floor (not that I would. ew.) My time in The Hole (that's what I call the daycare) has honed my immune system into a germ nuking killing machine.

    It also helps that my stomach is so acidic that most germs that enter through that way die upon contact. Take that samonella! Raw cookie dough is back on the menu! (ok, but really only the special cookie dough that you get on ice cream that does not include raw eggs).

  2. The part about the toilet hovering is so funny! You burn 5 calories while hovering btw!

    I'm not quite as much a germaphobe as you, but i have a strict policy of washing my hands as soon as I walk in the door of my house from being out, and always washing my hands before I eat. My friends drive me CRAZY when we go shopping and sit down to eat, and they eat with dirty, germ infested hands!! Eek! I heard on the radio 1 out of 8 debit/credit cards have fecal matter on now I'm creeped out and have to sanitize my cards...i try not to think about it...